


Let's Not Be Friends: Thea and Dick's Day Out

by CaraMia



Series: The Billion-Heirs' Club [11]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012), Batman - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-20
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-02-13 12:02:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21493972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaraMia/pseuds/CaraMia
Summary: Thea Queen and Dick Grayson are left alone in the Avengers Tower while a world crisis keeps their responsible adults busy. Honestly, it could've been much worse.
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Thea Queen
Series: The Billion-Heirs' Club [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/316985
Comments: 33
Kudos: 161





	1. if you weren't so stupid - but you're pretty stupid

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER
> 
> I watched the first two seasons of Arrow when they first aired. If Thea is painfully OOC let me know and I'll dedicate some time to actually re-watching it.
> 
> Probably makes more sense if you've read the rest of these but who knows.
> 
> I don’t care about making anything fit canon. This has been a PSA.
> 
> Title & chapter name from Stupid by Brendan Maclean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying out a thing where I list the characters with a little summary at the beginning, in case you're unfamiliar with where they're from and their basic background! This crossover business gets unwieldy at times.

**DRAMATIS PERSONAE**  


Dick Grayson (DC) - 16 year old boy, ward to Bruce Wayne a/k/a the Batman. Usually accompanies Batman on his crime fighting in his guise as Robin, the wise-cracking sidekick. He’s looking into changing the name but doesn’t want to admit to Clint Barton that he actually likes the name “Nightwing” now.  
Bruce Wayne (DC) - almost 40. Feels approximately a million years old. Rich white dude. Dresses up as a giant bat to fight crime. Panics less about being a father than he used to, but is still occasionally prone to bouts of parental panic.  
Thea Queen (Arrow) - 18 year old woman. Sister of Oliver Queen a/k/a Green Arrow, bow-shooting vigilante based in Star City. She thought he was dead for five years. She’s working through some stuff.  
Tony Stark (Marvel) - solidly 40s rich white male. Created a flying suit of armor to fight crime. Considers Dick Grayson a nephew, jokes about adopting him (would totally do it). Best friends with Bruce Wayne, despite Bruce’s best efforts.

* * *

It was definitely all the Avengers’ fault.

Dick Grayson knew three things: 1.) none of this was his fault, definitely. 2.) Uncle Tony was going to flip his shit. And 3.) Thea Queen was a hellbeast. 

He imagined that Thea was thinking along the same lines.

“You are a _huge_ idiot, Grayson,” she said, which pretty much confirmed what he’d been thinking. Even if Dick admitted to a smidgen of guilt for the way things turned out, Thea was at least 50% culpable as well. But really, what did the Avengers expect? They left two high-energy, mischievous, competitive teenagers alone for a couple of days in New York. 

Honestly, it’s a miracle they’ve _only_ been kidnapped. 

* * *

It started when Oliver Queen called in a favor. Dick was visiting the Avengers Tower in New York City (this time with pre-approval from Bruce) and mostly planning on napping and playing Mario Kart with Steve Rogers. Tony blew through the living room Dick had staked out, talking a mile a minute into his phone. Dick was raised not to eavesdrop but also not to let important things happen without already knowing, so when Tony hangs up, he’s ready to hear what news there is from Star City.

He was not ready for Tony to fling himself on the couch and ask, “How do you feel about Thea Queen?”

Dick spluttered. “I don’t - we don’t - _Thea_?”

“Smooth,” Tony said, grinning. He spun his phone over and over in his hands as he talked. “Oliver wanted to know if we had space for her this weekend. Apparently there were shenanigans in Star City. Told him we already had a teenage disaster here, but I’d check. So. Company?”

“That wouldn’t be… terrible?” Dick suggested, trying to keep his cool. He had only met Thea in passing. Brief moments of mutual suffering at parties didn’t really make you friends with someone.

“A ringing endorsement from the Grayson party. I’ll clue Oliver in and we’ll get her here pronto. Luckily, we’re looking at statistically the most crime-free week of the year, so we should be good for a spa week.”

Later, the news cycle spent several days marveling at the sudden global disaster, requiring the Avengers and many other vigilante groups to be out of contact and far away from home. Dick doesn’t worry about his extended family out there fighting for world peace, absolutely not.

The _real_ problem here was that 12 hours after Thea arrived, Tony sat them down and explained that everyone was required for a global crisis, and he was trusting them to stay safe in the Tower, surrounded by a small crowd of security forces. Dick didn’t argue. His gear was all back in Gotham, except for a few things. Plus, Uncle Tony looked two seconds away from locking them in a safe room.

“Your brother is coming to help too and all planes are grounded,” Tony said to Thea. “So you’re here until it’s over. We’ll keep an eye on him. Everyone’s coming home safe.”

“Whatever, dude,” Thea said, lying back on the couch and staring at the ceiling. “See ya.”

Dick watched Iron Man depart from the launch pad and didn’t cry or scream, even though fear was crawling up his throat. He was drawn away from thoughts of Iron Man being shot out of the sky and Batman disappearing by the sound of crystal bottles clinking together.

Inside, Thea Queen was rummaging through the well-stocked bar.

“Hey, what are you --”

“Doesn’t your uncle have anything that _isn’t_ 20 year old scotch? I freaking hate scotch.”

“Jarvis, lock-down on the alcohol cabinets, please.”

The cabinet doors swung shut and locks clicked into place. 

“Oh no,” said Thea, holding two bottles in her hands. “Whatever will I do.”

“I thought you hated scotch.”

“You’re right. I hate being sober for this more though, so if you’ll excuse me.”

“Enjoy the peatiness,” Dick called after her. “Those are like drinking a campfire.”

“Dude!” Thea tucked the bottles under her arms more securely, glaring back over her shoulder at him. “You’re killing my buzz before it even gets started.”

“You’re really going to spend all your time getting drunk on alcohol you hate?”

“What’s your plan, goody two-shoes? Mario Kart until we’re tucked in bed by the goons your uncle left?”

Dick had honestly been considering it. He would have given it a solid effort before giving up, escaping the goon squad in the Tower, and hitting the streets looking for trouble to stir up. Or, more realistically, looking for trouble to smack down.

“No, I’m getting out of here.”

“Thank _god_.” Thea set the scotch down quickly. “Please tell me you know a bar where they don’t check IDs.”

“Not really what I like to do with my time.”

“What does that even mean. Are we going bird watching in Central Park or something?” 

* * *

_“Are you insane?”_

Dick decided to ignore this in favor of tying up the mugger.

“Your idea of a good time is to go _mug_ muggers?”

“Well, yeah. I saw you trip that other guy,” he nodded at the second mugger. “Thanks for the help. It sucks when they have secret backup.”

“And my brother thinks I have issues, holy crap.”

Dick brushed his hands off, made sure the would-be victim was safe and had called 911, and continued down the street, whistling. Thea caught up quickly and grabbed his arm.

“Oh no. That’s how we started this whole mess. Can’t we do something else? I’m not even gonna push for drugs or drinks, seriously. I’d rather hunt alligators in the sewer than chase down muggers all day. It feels like superhero homework and therefore super-lame.”

He slowed down.

“Are there alligators in the sewers in New York?”

“I don’t know, let’s go find out,” said Thea, rolling her eyes. “But seriously, let’s do something else.”

“I see a manhole cover over there.”

Their eyes met. Thea must have hit her head recently because the first thing out of her mouth was, “Last one there is gator bait.”

* * *

Dick limped a little ahead of Thea, in prime gator bait position.

“Suck it up, Grayson,” she said cheerfully. They were in the sewers thanks to judicious use of a collapsible crowbar Dick had in one of his pockets. Manhole covers were heavy but easy to maneuver with the right leverage. “What else are you hiding in those pockets, by the way?”

“Nunya.”

“Fine, but a flashlight would be helpful. My phone battery is dying trying to get signal down here.”

He stopped and handed over a pair of glasses. He was wearing a second, similar pair which were glowing a faint green.

“Are you _serious_ right now? You have _night-vision_ glasses?”

“Basic functionality, yeah. Uncle Tony had some prototypes; I grabbed them before we left.”

Dick hoped the security guards back at the Tower were still on low alert. They hadn’t tripped any alarms on the way out and Jarvis had been surprisingly helpful, in that the AI had not immediately called security when Dick and Thea had begun planning to escape.

“These are trying to sync with my Facebook account,” said Thea, blinking quickly. “Oh, hey, these get pretty good Wi-Fi.”

The frames were oversized on her face. She looked, honestly, cute. Dick reminded himself of her truly outrageous cheating in their race to the sewer earlier. That was not as effective a deterrent as he might have hoped. He turned and continued on his path, keeping a map overlay on the glasses so he knew their approximate location in the city.

“Let’s get out of here to grab lunch in like an hour unless we’re eaten by something. Sound good?”

Thea made an affirmative noise, still focusing on the glasses rather than the path in front of her. 59 minutes later, Dick had found some suspicious teeth but little else. He turned to ask Thea if she was ready to give up and go back to the tower - she was no longer behind him. The night-vision glasses lay on the ground.

He backed up and put a solid surface at his back, reaching for his phone to contact Jarvis. The solid surface behind him wrapped huge scaly arms around him and lifted him off his feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's it for now, folks. Expect a long break, due to holidays and travel. Let me know what you think and if you spot any egregious typos. I do my best but I also don't proofread much.


	2. tell me what is his name now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things continue swimmingly.

**DRAMATIS PERSONAE**

  
Dick Grayson (DC) - 16 year old boy, ward to Bruce Wayne a/k/a the Batman. Usually accompanies Batman on his crime fighting in his guise as Robin, the wise-cracking sidekick. He’s looking into changing the name but doesn’t want to admit to Clint Barton that he actually likes the name “Nightwing” now.  
Bruce Wayne (DC) - almost 40. Feels approximately a million years old. Rich white dude. Dresses up as a giant bat to fight crime. Panics less about being a father than he used to, but is still occasionally prone to bouts of parental panic.  
Thea Queen (Arrow) - 18 year old woman. Sister of Oliver Queen a/k/a Green Arrow, bow-shooting vigilante based in Star City. She thought he was dead for five years. She’s working through some stuff.  
Tony Stark (Marvel) - solidly 40s rich white male. Created a flying suit of armor to fight crime. Considers Dick Grayson a nephew, jokes about adopting him (would totally do it). Best friends with Bruce Wayne, despite Bruce’s best efforts.  
Spider-Man (Marvel) - Neighborhood menace. Doing his best.  
Dr. Curt Connors (Marvel) - Local scientist and all around really swell guy.

* * *

Dick woke up which was a nice surprise. He was still, assessing for any damage. Ribs seemed okay, he could breathe just fine; the only thing that was amiss was his hands were zip-tied in front of him. He opened his eyes and met Thea’s furious glare.

“Oh, good, you’re alive,” he said. She kicked him in the shin. He sat up and assessed the situation. It did not look ideal from their position behind iron bars. They were in an underground lab, judging by the lack of natural light and the lab equipment. Something green bubbled ominously in a beaker nearby, a long steel table shone ominously under a flickering light bulb, and an ominous figure stood over a microscope. 

Dick’s first thought was Killer Croc, based purely on location and the scaly arms he remembered. But Killer Croc used to be Waylon Jones, a sideshow wrestler. He wasn’t really the microscope and beakers type of villain. Besides, last Dick heard, Croc was on vacation with his girlfriend.

Of course New York could have its own alligator-branded villain. Dick spent a minute trying to come up with alligator themed villain names: Killer Gator, Gator-Man, The Lone Gator, Death Roll, Reptilio.

“Has he said anything since he caught us?”

Thea stopped chewing on her own zip-ties and glanced over at their captor.

“Not really. Some general hissing. No monologues yet but there’s still time before he _eats us._” 

“He’s gonna eat us? He said that?”

“No, he didn’t _say_ that.”

“That’s something.” Dick tried out a cheerful smile. It bounced off of Thea’s unimpressed expression. “Usually if they’re gonna eat you they like you to know ahead of time. Also, there’s usually drooling involved.”

A variety of expressions made their way across Thea’s face.

“Do alligators drool?”

Dick thought about it.

“It seems unlikely? But if he’s somehow crossed with a person then maybe?”

They sat quietly for a moment. The nearby bubbling beaker bubbled on, the liquid’s color changing from vibrant green to dull amber. 

“I wish we had Google right now,” Thea sighed, leaning back against their cage. Dick returned to watching their captor. Alligator Man was wearing glasses perched precariously on the end of his elongated reptilian nose. Dick was usually decent at figuring out what nefarious plan was afoot once he’d landed right in the middle of it. Right now, he was coming up blank.

“How many times have you been kidnapped by someone who threatened to eat you?”

“Only once,” Dick lied.

“No wonder your idea of fun is mugging muggers.”

“Hey, I didn’t _mug_ anybody-”

“Kidss,” said their captor, glancing at them over his shoulder. They froze. “Sshut up. You’ll know soon enough what’s to become of you.”

* * *

“Soon Enough” was not for another hour at least. Science-Gator-Man danced among his equipment, double-checking data and processes. Dick watched him turn the bubbly green beaker amber at least three times. Whatever he was doing, he obviously wasn’t going to mess it up by forgetting an essential step. Dick had been hoping for a little less scientific method and a little more cackling; at least with a cackler there was a chance for the process to fail due to forgetting an important lever.

Dick had tried a few more times to distract their captor with no luck. The Science Gator would not be distracted. Dick finally settled in to wait.

Not long after Thea dozed off, Scien-gator collected two small jars and strode out of the lab. Dick was offended. They didn’t merit even a derogatory glance before their captor walked out. That was very poor villain manners. Left alone at last, Dick broke out of his zip-ties with a practiced motion and did a thorough check for accessible locks or keypads. Nothing in sight. The bars of the cage were sturdy and there was nothing in the cage with them to pry up or dig through.

“Wow,” said Dick, impressed despite himself. “I think we’re screwed.”

From above him, a slightly muffled voice said, “Hey, have you seen a big lizard man in a lab coat down here recently?”

Clinging to the ceiling, clad in bright red and blue with a full mask covering his face, was Spider-Man. Dick couldn’t decide if this was going to make his day better or worse. Uncle Tony had mentioned a young new superhero in town. There was at least one newspaper waging war on Spider-Man but public opinion seemed to be in his favor.

“Now that you mention it, that guy did look a little green. Any chance of an assist down here?”

“Oh, gosh, sorry.” Spider-Man detached from the ceiling and landed in front of the cage. Dick hadn’t seen any gear which was a shame; he would love to be able to stick to the ceiling whenever he wanted.

“I wasn’t expecting him to have caught anyone yet,” Spider-Man said, tapping at a keypad out of Dick’s sight. “Usually he doesn’t come up to the surface until he’s ready to begin his experiments and by then I’ve gotten a call from Martha so I’m on the lookout for him.”

“Martha?” Dick asked, a little helplessly. He and Thea must have proved too tempting to leave alone, wandering around near his lair.

“Dr. Connors’ wife. Uh, the Lizard’s real identity, don’t tell anyone that.”

“What, the _Lizard_? Really? I thought it’d at least be Reptilio or Killer Gator.”

“Is this really the time?” Thea said, getting up and stretching. She looked Spider-Man up and down. “Who are you supposed to be?”

He waved. “Friendly, neighborhood Spider-Man: here to rescue you.”

Thea grabbed the bars of the cage and rattled them. “Great, hurry up.”

While they waited, Dick demonstrated the way to break out of zip-ties for Thea. She watched him for a second before lifting her hands over her head and bringing them down quickly, snapping the ties off her wrists.

“I watch a lot of YouTube,” she explained. “Never actually tried it though, that was kind of cool.”

There was a cheerful beep and their cage door swung open. Spider-Man gave them a thumbs-up. He froze then whipped around. A second later, Dick and Thea heard a strange rumbling noise. Coming through the door leading to the sewers was a giant wave of lizards, clambering over each other and rushing towards them. Dick glimpsed what he swore was an alligator before the wave hit, knocking them all down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: I don't know anything about breaking out of zip-ties except what YouTube videos have taught me. 
> 
> Maybe someday I should watch the new Spider-Man movies.


	3. or else this'll never end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shows up three months late to my own fic with the realization this is gonna take longer than I thought

* * *

**DRAMATIS PERSONAE**

  
Dick Grayson (DC) - 16 year old boy, ward to Bruce Wayne a/k/a the Batman. Usually accompanies Batman on his crime fighting in his guise as Robin, the wise-cracking sidekick. He’s looking into changing the name but doesn’t want to admit to Clint Barton that he actually likes the name “Nightwing” now.  
Bruce Wayne (DC) - almost 40. Feels approximately a million years old. Rich white dude. Dresses up as a giant bat to fight crime. Panics less about being a father than he used to, but is still occasionally prone to bouts of parental panic.  
Thea Queen (Arrow) - 18 year old woman. Sister of Oliver Queen a/k/a Green Arrow, bow-shooting vigilante based in Star City. She thought he was dead for five years. She’s working through some stuff.  
Tony Stark (Marvel) - solidly 40s rich white male. Created a flying suit of armor to fight crime. Considers Dick Grayson a nephew, jokes about adopting him (would totally do it). Best friends with Bruce Wayne, despite Bruce’s best efforts.  
Spider-Man (Marvel) - Neighborhood menace. Doing his best.  
Norman Osborn (Marvel) - Local businessman and loving father.

* * *

This time, Spider-Man was in the cage with them. The swarm of reptiles had filtered out gradually, leaving behind some truly adorable skinks which crawled up Spider-Man’s arms and perched on his head.

“If you weren’t so cute, I’d be mad at you,” Spider-Man informed the lizard. It tilted its head slightly.

“Well I’m mad at it, no matter how cute it is.”

Spider-Man gasped and covered the lizard’s head. “Don’t listen to the mean lady.”

“That cute lizard’s dad just came in here, told us he was going to _turn us into lizards_, then left. How am I in the wrong here?”

The Lizard had finally told them his master plan. Dick had followed some of the science but Spider-Man had nodded along the whole time, clearly following all of it. Dick considered accusing Spider-Man of being in league with the Lizard.

“This is really fun,” Dick said, cutting in before the Spider-Man and Thea Queen show really got going. “While he’s over there, planning our ultimate demise, could we maybe come up with a plan to get out of here?”

Spider-Man stood up and set the skink down, shooing it away with a careful foot.

“I’ll distract him, you guys run. Ready?” 

Without waiting for an answer, Spider-Man grabbed two of the bars that formed their cage and ripped them out of place with one easy motion. He dropped them and dove out of the cage, taking the Lizard down with a tackle aimed right at his middle. Dick and Thea gaped.

The combatants tumbled in a swirl of red and green, spinning like a Christmas tree at war with itself. Spider-Man managed to catch the Lizard and throw him across the room. Glass bottles scattered, shattering against the brick walls. Liquid splashed and sizzled around the room.

“I hope you’re running!”

“Oh, shit,” hissed Thea, rushing through the gap in the cage. Dick followed, keeping an eye on the fight. If it was staged, it was very well staged. He decided, ducking under a thrown table, that Spider-Man was probably not on the Lizard’s side. He could hear Spider-Man heckling as he kept just out of the Lizard’s reach, only ducking in to engage when the Lizard’s attention shifted to Dick and Thea crossing the room.

“Did you get FDA approval for this human trial? You know they frown on this kind of experiment. Your lab safety standards have fallen dramatically, we’ll have to take this up with your supervisor.” 

The exit door was locked. Dick turned to Thea.

“Bobby pins? Knives? Lockpicks?”

“Oh, gosh, y’know, I totally forgot my lockpicks in my other purse,” she snapped. They turned to look for another exit. A red and blue blur flew in between them, smashing through the door. They peered through the doorway to see Spider-Man laid out. He gave them a shaky thumbs-up from the rubble.

“Coming through,” he said, sitting up.

“Little late on the warning, but appreciated.” Dick helped him up. Across the room, the Lizard was pinned to the wall by some kind of webbing.

“He won’t be stuck long. Come on, I’ll get you guys outta here.”

* * *

He led them out of the sewers remarkably quickly. They went most of the way in silence, after Dick had asked about alligators in the sewer and Spider-Man had laughed in his face in a friendly way.

“Ah, tourists,” he’d said, chuckling. Thea had spent the rest of the walk glaring at Dick, which seemed unfair, given that she’d definitely participated in the alligator hunt.

Spider-Man was replacing the manhole cover when Thea started patting her pockets.

“Wait, our phones are still back there.”

Dick and Spider-Man shared a look.

“And you want to go back for them?”

“Okay, don’t give me that. You don’t have a paranoid older brother who needs like, hourly check ins.”

“I mean, I have Bruce Wayne _and_ Tony Stark so if we’re comparing --”

“Oh, _excuse_ me, Princess Stark-Wayne, if I only have ONE annoying billionaire --”

“That’s Princess _Wayne_-Stark to YOU --”

“_What is happening_,” whispered Spider-Man, as they bickered. He cut in. “ANYWAY, do you guys needs directions from here or do you think you can get home without falling into any more sewers?”

Two blocks away there was the sound of an explosion, cracking through the frosty silence. Spider-Man tackled Thea and Dick to the ground as a green man on a hoverboard zoomed right over their heads, cackling.

“Sorry, looks like you’re on your own!” Spider-Man saluted the two of them and turned to face the hovering man. “MR. OSBORN! LET’S TALK ABOUT THIS!”

“Why does he know all the bad guys’ names?” Thea grabbed Dick’s arm and tried to turn him back toward the Tower. He caught her eye and grinned. “Oh no, not this time Grayson.”

“Come on, Queen. Do you really want to sit in the Tower until everyone’s back?”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “No, but I also don’t want to _die_.”

“How could we die? There’s a superhero right there.”

“This is a really bad idea,” she said, just so she could say she told him so later. Dick’s smile widened and Thea's heart pounded in her ears. He turned and ran off. A second later, she shook her head and followed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoops? Listen, they could've gotten safely home but it's not my fault the Green Goblin decided to start a crime spree and crimefighting teenagers just don't have the same self-preservation instincts as the rest of us.


	4. interlude - the adults

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whatever could the adults be getting up to right about now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, peacefully sitting around at work, not doing much  
suddenly sit bolt upright
> 
> WHAT IF
> 
> anyway, enjoy this snippet I thought up in literally two minutes

Far away in another dimension and technically over the Atlantic Ocean, Batman and Iron Man locked eyes over a writhing eldritch horror they were tackling together.

“I have a strange feeling that Dick is getting into trouble somewhere,” said Batman, tying up five tentacles while Iron Man fended off ten more. In the distance, they heard a faint “aw, tentacles, no”. Green lightning flashed out of the sky and Thor roared.

Something with a voice like ten-thousand suffering souls roared back.

“He’s a smart kid,” Iron Man said. “He can handle trouble.”

“I know,” Batman finished tying knots and tucked a small flashing beacon in amongst the tentacles. “I’m just trying to decide how long to ground him for when we get back.”

Iron Man wrapped an arm around him and lifted off. Batman waited until they were 20 feet up before he activated the beacon, exploding the tentacles into sludge. 

“Hey, think positive. Maybe he just drank all my booze and passed out early every night.” 

Batman tsked.

“It’s like you don’t know my son at all.”

“I didn’t say it was _likely_.”

Hawkeye’s voice echoed over their magic ear-pieces, supplied by Dr. Strange when their regular ones had failed a day in. “Folks, place your bets on what Bats’ 16 year old is getting up to while he’s away. Nat’s got a solid $20 on forming his own superhero team.”

“I hate you all,” Batman said, as the rest chimed in with their ideas. He was smiling. “Even you, Clint.”

“Shot through the heart! A direct hit! You heard it here folks - Batman’s breaking up with me in the middle of a battle with Lovecraftian monsters!”

“Does that mean you’ll shut up and focus finally?” Green Arrow said. He broke into a run, looking for another hiding spot to snipe from. “Incoming from the chasm. I’ve got one bomb arrow left, might need another to collapse this thing. You coming, Hawkeye?”

“Not unless someone can give me a lift.” Iron Man looked up and saw Hawkeye’s perch drifting up and away from the battle, into the strange purple sky.

“On my way,” said Iron Man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thor bets on "Engaging in glorious battle!" and he and Natasha end up splitting the proceeds.


	5. I'd make you hot chocolate - And anything you wanted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> work & chapter titles taken from Stupid by Brendan MacLean

One of the life-skills taught by Batman was improvising weaponry. Dick had thrown together makeshift slings and he and Thea were pestering the Green Goblin as he swooped up and down the street.

Spider-Man alternated between catching and disabling the bombs the Green Goblin was dropping and trying to tell them to leave. Dick scooped up a bomb and flung it expertly back at the Green Goblin as he swooped by again. It exploded two feet away, causing the green man to swerve and hit a building, crumbling through the brick facade and disappearing. 

Spider-Man stopped over them for a moment. 

“You guys _really_ need to leave. Mr. Osborn is not as cuddly as Dr. Connors!” 

“The Lizard counts as cuddly?” Thea asked, sounding curious and unruffled. She had tied her long hair up to keep it out of the way and was keeping an eye on the building the Green Goblin had crashed through. 

“He did want to keep us alive,” said Dick, finding himself in the odd position of defending the villain who had locked him up less than an hour ago. “Admittedly as lizards. But no bombs. Surprisingly little cackling.” 

“So on the scatter chart,” mused Spider-Man, “where it’s benign and malevolent on the X axis, what’s the Y axis? Cackles versus…” 

“Brooding,” Thea suggested. 

“We’ll workshop it,” Dick said. “Heads up, Goblin’s exited into the alley, heading back to regroup.” 

“Ugh,” Thea twirled her makeshift sling experimentally. “Couldn’t he be robbing a bank or something instead of causing general mayhem?” 

“Getting bored, Queen?” Dick teased, moving so they could flank each side of the alley where the Green Goblin would emerge. 

“As a matter of fact, yes! Vigilante fighting: Not as cool as the internet makes it sound.” 

An arrow whistled past them into the alley, hitting the Green Goblin square in the chest. Spider-Man made an angry noise and leapt past them to catch the man as he fell. He gently laid the Green Goblin on the ground and checked the wound. A new voice called out from across the empty street. 

“Bean bag arrows only, I promise!” 

A young woman jogged into view, dressed in a purple catsuit, wearing round purple sunglasses, and casually holding a bow with an arrow on the string. Her long dark hair was messily pulled up, like she had dealt with it in a hurry. 

“I was in the area, chasing some cloned Masques and heard you lot. Spidey, he’s fine. I promised: bean bags only when I’m on your turf.” 

Spider-Man nodded to her, busy with tying the Green Goblin up with webbing. The newcomer looked Dick and Thea over. 

“Looks like you had some help anyway! I’m Hawkeye. Shouldn’t you two be sheltering indoors somewhere?” 

Dick grinned and ducked his head, doing his best Clint Barton impression. 

“Aw, Katie-Kate, we couldn’t just stay at home! There’s so many interesting people to meet out here!” 

Kate Bishop, also known as Hawkeye, froze and turned on her heel to face him. She narrowed her eyes, giving him a long look. 

“What. The. F- Do I know - Grayson?” 

He waved, still grinning. “Hi Bishop. How’s the Hawkeye business?”

“Better without Clint getting underfoot,” she walked up and hugged him. They had never met but as people who knew and loved Clint Barton, it was hard not to know of each other. Dick and Kate had, on occasion, both stolen Clint’s phone to send memes to each other. 

“I’m worried about them too,” Dick admitted into Kate’s shoulder. She gave him a squeeze then let him go, turning her attention to Thea. Kate stuck her hand out.

“The name’s Kate Bishop, professionally known as Hawkeye.”

Dick was half-expecting Thea to retreat or have her hackles up, but she stepped forward, shook Kate’s hand, and smiled.

“Thea Queen,” she replied. “My brother says you play a mean game of tag.”

“Oliver’s sister! A pleasure to meet you, even in these circumstances.”

Five feet away, the Green Goblin was beginning to wake up in a cocoon of spider web. Spider-Man was starting what sounded like a well-worn rebuke of villainous behavior. 

* * *

The four of them stopped at an ice cream parlour. They left the Green Goblin tied up outside.

“You are welcome to come hang at the Tower. There’s plenty of food and video games.” 

“Patrolling,” said Kate, eating her ice cream with a spoon. “But I’ll come by later. Probably need a break and a nap soon. Can’t stay up all day and night.” 

They all swung by the Tower so Dick could issue them visitor passes. In the elevator on the way up to the residential floors, Dick asked, “JARVIS, any news?” 

“There have been no updates since the Avengers and friends entered the rift twelve hours ago.” 

Dick took a deep breath and let it out slowly. 

“Thank you, JARVIS.” 

* * *

Three days later, the news reported that the shimmering rift which had swallowed most of Earth’s mightiest heroes had closed. No one had been seen exiting the rift.

As had become their habit over the last few days, Dick and Thea started their day with a sparring round. Mostly Dick walked Thea through a few moves to escape from attackers or get the drop on someone. Occasionally, Thea would kick his feet out from under him, just for fun. 

The pair would wave at the security guards on their way out the door to meet up with Kate and Spider-Man. Villainy continued apace. Dick felt like he was on a first name basis with all of Spider-Man’s nemeses. The number of costumed bad guys in New York City was astonishing. Then again, Gotham was much the same. 

At the end of the day, Dick and Thea walked into the Tower, smoothies in hand, right into the middle of the Avengers and Batman. Iron Man and Batman were looking under couches, Hawkeye and Oliver Queen appeared to be pouring shots, and the rest appeared to have changed into comfy pyjamas and were piling pillows and blankets into a huge pile on the floor. 

“Bruce? Uncle Tony?” Dick’s voice cracked but he was loud enough to draw their attention. A second later, he was wrapped in a strong hug from Bruce. He heard Thea call out to her brother and buried his face in Bruce’s shoulder. The days of isolation and danger, being unable to reach out and be with his family and friends, putting himself at risk every time he went outside - it had sucked. Being with a friend had helped and he knew that without Thea, and even Spider-Man and Kate, he would not have handled the isolation very well. Even so, there was nothing quite like being able to see and hug your loved ones. 

“We all made it back,” said Bruce, softly, his voice rumbling in his chest. “Even Clint, unfortunately.” 

Dick choked on the unexpected laugh. 

“I heard that, Wayne,” said Clint, good-naturedly. He started handing out shots to the assembled Avengers. Natasha shot hers back immediately. Clint scowled but went to pour her another. 

“You smell like a sewer,” Dick mumbled, still squished in a hug. Bruce wasn’t usually a long hugger but he hadn’t slackened his hold in the slightest. 

“Trust me, I could smell much worse. Not even Dr. Strange knew what the hell that thing was.” 

Clint raised his shot glass. The others followed him, except Oliver and Thea, who Dick could see just now breaking out of their own hug but keeping an arm wrapped around each other. 

“To whatever the hell that was!” They all cheered with him. Clint set his shot glass down on the bar and joined Bruce and Dick, adding his arms to the hug. 

“We made it,” he said and sighed. 

“Kate says hi,” Dick said. 

“Oh hey, Katie-Kate,” Clint murmured. A second later, his breath evened out and he snored softly. 

Thea was the next to join the hug, followed by her brother. 

“Budge up, Grayson. I want a Batman hug.” 

“I’m not usually a hugger but --” 

“Shut up and get in here, Stark.” 

The day ended with a group hug and a long movie night, surrounded by friends and family. Dick and Thea fell asleep curled up on either side of Oliver, lulled into peaceful slumber by the voices they knew so well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's a wrap. I started writing this chapter right when quarantine started in my city and it's taken me a month to get through the rest. Is this blatant wish fulfillment? Yes. Do I regret it? Absolutely not.
> 
> Don't be like Dick and Thea; stay indoors when you can, wear a mask around other people, wash your hands! You all know the drill.
> 
> Someday we'll have movie parties and all the hugs we want.


End file.
